The topic to share this time is “How to release goodwill”, and how to understand when the other party ignores it. Before you continue reading, I want to tell you what we have done for this Laying out is not a kind of psychological manipulation. The gradual release of goodwill is a kind of deep and considerate show. Considering the most subtle mood of the other party, we express goodwill in the most acceptable way for him or her, and let’s chat together.
Felix: Hi, P. This is a problem I have always had, I always feel good when I first meet people in public, but not after that. Take the problem I encountered this time as an example. I have known her for a while in the online community, and we are going to be on the line. For two or three consecutive days, she also took the initiative to privately message me, but when I responded, the other party responded. Only willing to respond to me with a short sentence, and then I tried my best to continue, but the situation remained the same, I had to find an ending to end.
I think why would you take the initiative to private message me if you are not interested in me? However, why did she seem to not respond very much after I replied. Every time in public, even if it is one-on-one, the atmosphere is very good, but after a private chat or two, I feel that the other party ignores it. In the end, it indirectly affected the interaction in the original public occasion. I am troubled by this ending a friendship every time. Thank you~
Reason for Ignoring
A hot face with a cold ass is probably not enough to describe the predicament Felix encountered, and his problems are also encountered by most people when they chat on the Internet.
Like:
- Don’t know how to deepen the relationship
- Always being played with by others
- Being disturbed by the unread, or even unread, unresolved feedback
This time, only the “strategic” and “tactical” aspects will be discussed.
Dating, networking, blind date, and making friends are like this. The younger and more beautiful women are, the more popular they are, especially on the virtual network. Have you ever tried to use a girl’s account to play online dating?
If not, I suggest that you might as well experience what it is like to make friends in an online community from the perspective of a girl. You’ll soon be inundated with hundreds of private messages, a bunch of erotically suggestive photos, and dozens of Hellos waiting for you to reply when you go online every day, and that’s about it.
So being able to exchange further contact information with each other Line has got to clap your hands for you, and you may be the one who stands out from the hundreds.
But the question is, why does the other party always fall in love and fail to return? Or even if he took the initiative to secret me, but he replied with just a few words?
Since there is no dialogue record analysis, I have only sorted out three possible scenarios based on my past experience:
One, the topic is too boring
This is almost the number one killer of chat, and it will not be limited to the Internet, it is easier to encounter in real life. Like:
“I don’t know how to chat with elders?”
“I don’t know what to talk about with the girl I like…”
“The opponent always threw the ball to me that was hard to hit, and I didn’t know how to throw it back to her.”
If your situation is like this, then you must be careful, your test will not only be in Line chat, but in one-on-one realistic communication. Some people may protest: “No, the chat atmosphere in real life is very good, but I really can’t chat on Line.”
Let me put it this way, online chats on Line, FB, etc. are just an extension of reality. If the other party thinks you are funny and humorous, she is unlikely to be as enthusiastic in reality, and suddenly become frosty on Line. The big reason is that you feel too good about your real-life chat self, so you misjudge the situation.
The solution to this dilemma needs to start from two aspects. One is that you have to establish a “communication information form” that is exclusive to him. How to arrange his leisure time, etc. In the article “How to Train Observation”, I mentioned the “expensive economic observation method”. From this point to train your observation, you can be accurate when chatting with the other party. Hit “the subject he wants to hear”.
Of course, in order not to arouse the other party’s disgust, we can’t be too direct in the topic, otherwise it will give people a feeling of “you seem to have done a net worth investigation on me”, so here you can use it together with the “wind chat method” , the content of your chats is naturally and smoothly converted.
(Extended reading: the chat method of wind, how to share your own life)
2. Too many competitors
The second common situation is that the other party is not unwilling to reply to you, but because there are too many messages received, his Line dialog window is always jumping, so he has no time to pay attention to what you said. And a few minutes after you finish sending your message, your message has long been washed off the screen of your phone.
The solution to this dilemma is the same as above, you must start with the interestingness of the topic, and add a trick to limit the dialogue.
What is a limited conversation?
Restricted dialogue means that when you have established a certain degree of familiarity, you put forward a reasonable reason to call him with Line and interact directly with your voice.
Qualifying dialogue has two very big benefits:
- Helps you build rapport quickly: Compared to cold and difficult-to-express text, a warm voice can make your relationship progress faster, whether it’s a business sale or a relationship between the sexes.
- Exclude the interference of competitors: When you are talking with Line, you and him are basically in an absolute space. In this space, no one can disturb you except for cell phone calls, and he cannot be distracted. To reply to Line’s messages, you can only focus on talking to each other, which is why I recommend using the phone so much.
What? Did you say you dare not chat? Calling is a good opportunity for you to practice, because even if you just use Line to successfully make an appointment with the other party, you still have to interact with the other party face-to-face. The relationship process accelerates to find the results.
(Extended reading: Can people with the same interests communicate? Master the rhythm of chatting and conversation, even if it is not humorous, it is enough to make the other party feel comfortable and relaxed. )
This is a very bold assumption. She has a crush on you, so she takes the initiative to drop your messages, but because she is very bad at chatting, she can only see how you catch the ball and make a good shot for her to hit back.
The above three points are used at the tactical level, and are used by those who do not know how to solve difficulties. However, in order to completely eradicate these problems, we have to talk about strategies of higher thinking.
Communication Strategies
“Do you know what the other person wants to hear?” This is a question I often ask students in my classes.
This is not a superficial expression that boys like to talk about work and video games, and girls like to talk about food and travel.
As far as video games are concerned, if you are playing the most popular Pokémon a while ago, there are thousands of communication strategies on the topic:
- How many Pokémon did you catch today? (to test the other party’s addiction, it can be used as the opening dialogue)
- I went to Daan Forest Park to catch Chenglong today. Do you have a place to hide it? (self-disclosure, while measuring each other’s regionality)
- Do you know which politician looks the most like Duck? (leading to the topic of Ke Wenzhe)
- You look like a kind of Pokémon (intrigues, and implies…)
- Young people are swarming with everything these days. Do you remember the Pokémon from a while ago? (implying maturity)
Just a simple Pokémon, there are five topic trends, do you know which one your object likes? If your answer is no, then I can say that you are at a disadvantage in this conversation.
If the situation is in a shopping mall, you can easily be led by others by the nose. If you are in a love scene, if you talk about two wrong topics in a row, you will be put in the freezer. To avoid falling into such a misunderstanding, we can use the common good law of communication strategies to easily help you to chat and laugh freely in the dialogue, and the other party can easily speak freely and form a good interaction between the two parties.
The Law of Common Goods
1. What topics does she like to talk about? What are you fond of?
When it comes to topics that the other party likes, she can naturally go on and on. What we need to do at this time is to give affirmation and recognition. Of course, the more powerful people can, when they agree, guide the trend of the topic towards our good at it. things to walk on.
(Extended reading: How to get closer to people through chat? Make good use of the wind to guide the topic)
2. What topics do I like? What are you fond of?
One thing you are good at, what new ideas can you talk about?
Let’s think about it, how to use the most simple and easy-to-understand way to make laymen listen with relish?
3. What topics does she not like to talk about? hate what?
This is the so-called landmine topic, when she hates a celebrity and you show that you admire her, you will find her leaning back and even frowning slightly.
4. What topics do I not like to talk about? hate what?
Don’t pretend that you like this topic in order to match the other person’s preferences. If you really do, you will probably only have a mechanical answer of kindness and oh oh within half an hour. Many older men are in When talking about Yong Nian, you would often force others to listen to him, but as a listener, you are actually responsible. Who told you to start this?
Chatting with someone you like is the same. If you choose a topic that he likes but you can’t express your opinion in order to please him, he will soon find you boring. In this topic that you can’t control, It can’t be sparked.
Remember, talking about the topics you and she like and hate in common can easily resonate. The things you like in common will make you cherish each other, and the things you hate in common will make you two share enemies, which can make the conversation agitate between each other. Rewind.
Mind Bridge
Having talked here, has your doubts been answered?
Finally, Mr.P would like to add one more point, if you are faced with a dilemma, you don’t know what she likes or hates, and you can’t observe it, what else can you do?
In fact, this problem is not only for you, but also one of the most difficult challenges when I was working in business and coaching cases.
Something like this:
- A customer who seems very willing to buy, but he is always reluctant to disclose his budget to you, and he does not want you to know his needs. He just smiled and said nothing after listening to the introduction.
- Someone pays you to consult with him about his relationship. He has come from a long distance, but he is reluctant to express his feelings during the conversation.
- A person you just met is obviously very interested in you, and his body language and facial expressions show that he is very fond of you, but his reply is a very short um ah ah.
People who use it easily can even let the customer take the initiative to tell you his needs, let the case take the initiative to confess his inner entanglement, and let people who have a good impression on you want to know more about you.
